Day 12 of Treatment – PTS

Today was better then yesterday. I’m thinking every Monday will be like a new first time. Well now I know.

I was talking with one of the Tech’s telling her it feels like prisoner of war torcher that one usually only reads about. This is going to cause Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, ain’t it? She laughs and says, “I’ve heard people say that.”

It reminded me of new drug commercials on TV: It will stop you from doing one thing BUT it may cause you to have suicidal thoughts. WTH So why does one need a new drug to cure you of what ails and then cause you kill yourself? Where’s the logic in that? Which is why the last time my doctor said he wanted to prescribe this new drug that he thought I was a good candidate for; I asked is it going to give me thoughts of suicide? He so cracked up. Funny but not, right?

I think the crazy thing with me is that if I did not write these things down – no one would know the “issues” in my mind. I always think I’m worst then whoever, where ever, when ever ANDEN I see/read things online or in the news or FB and I’m like my stuff is MINAH. It is a raindrop in a monsoon. But as a person going thru such issues it feels more like just a monsoon. LOL

I’m reminded of a friend who served on a submarine for 4 years. Down in the bowels of a diesel boat. An honorable sailor less one AWOL which only a select few remember. I remember the strangest things. Ok so this person – 30 yrs after the fact is a big time seriously scarey claustrophobic. I watched him freak out one time, and he explained he was claustrophobic. I was totally confused. I was like did you not spend 4 years in a submarine. Yes and that is why he is the way he is now, its his post traumatic stress syndrome.

I’m kind of understanding that now. Its cause you do what you gotta do, its expected, its whats needed, its survival, yes. Then its done, you let it go, it passes, THEN POW right in the kisser, something happens that triggers the stressers and BAM you freak out. Hmmmm how mental will I be?

I like to think I am less crazy then I think myself to be. I could be wrong, who am I to judge. 🙂

Ma ke aloha, until I write again, bumbye.