PTSD-ing


Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – I have it; as she laughs like a maniac. Nah nah nah. But yeah I have a form of it.  I told my doctor that and he rolled his eyes. Probably because I’m also the person who said “I think I have fybromyglacsia.”  Why do you think you have that he asked. Because I checked on webmd.com and I have 15 out of 18 symtoms. His answer: Stay off of webmd and you suffer from hypothyroidism, not fybromyglascia. Ok fine. My Dr is also anti-marijuana. I asked him once and he was taken a back and was like “OMG where did that come from.” I just crack up at him.

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I think anyone who has had a traumatic experience is suseptible to a bit of PTSD. My self proclaim  PTSD is due to Radiation Oncology treatment. Six weeks worth, 5 days a week for 15 minutes. Doesn’t sound stressful huh? I didn’t think so either when I started. But I think the clue was when the Doctor asked if I was claustraphobic. I said “yes but I think I have it under control” said the person who had never had radiation oncology but had experience every kind of MRI machine there ever was.

At the time I didn’t really understand about “the mask”. I thought I was badass I can handle it no problemo. So the doctor said I’ll give you a prescription. Take one before treatment. Yeah yeah yeah. So the first time, they have to make the mask and do measurements of where to point the radiation. The mask goes from the chest and covers the head. The mask is attached to the sled of the machine that slide into the machine. So your face and chest is pinned, literally. The mask is pressed snug against your face. I imagine it is waterboarding minus the water. LOL Wholey plastic pressed against your face is not something comfortable & its not something you get use to. Its a mental challenge.

This is not me. I found this pic on Pinterest. But basically this is what it looks like before they slide you in, vacate the room, and you get zapped! AND if you move, they have to do it again! 15 minutes is a long time, no way was I gonna do 3o.

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After my first treatment; I sort of kind of hyperventilated and couldn’t get out of the building fast enough. I had to stay under the sky for an hour or so, then I went to the mall and bought 3 pairs of shoes.  From then on I always took my ‘happy pill’ before treatment. It’s  realtively a painless procedure,  its more psycho then physical. Hence the PTSD-ing.

Ever since that treatment I have these crazy disconnected WTF kind of dreams or nightmares. I rarely remember what its about, just that things happened and it does not make sense. What I do remember is the feelings of aniexty, being scared, feeling disconnected, and crazy unexplainable. Or unexplainable craziness.

I would rather do this then chemo though. I’ve decided I don’t want chemo IF that is recommended. I just assume be radiated from the outside in, instead of the inside out. 😀 So far so good, the coast is clear. Knockonwood making the sign of cross!

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Yup thats all I remember, the spookyass feelings! But I’m okay, I can deal with it without drugs. A little pakalolo would be nice though. Small kine. LOL

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Be Blessed. (\O/)

Malama pono.

 

 

 

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One thought on “PTSD-ing

  1. Me too, tita. I love that you wrote this post. I probably would’ve had the same reaction, only yarn therapy instead of boots.

    Just looking at the photo and your words makes me hyperventilate. Brave girl, you!!

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