Nightmare


Was it a nightmare or panic attack? I was asleep! So nightmare? Whatever it was  so freaking scarey. Kind of an alien abduction from my own bed kind of experience. Scarey crap is all I know.

A little background; I’m a partial insomniac. A lot of times I go to bed with some hypnotic healing meditative kind of app going on. Most times its with earplugs, but if I’m by myself I just let it play softly. I have no clue what it says as I usually pass out after 5 minutes or so and I sleep well.

So last night I went to bed with one of those apps playing softly in the background. I assumed I zonked out.

I had this overwhelming feeling I had to follow some instructions but I didn’t know what the instructions were. Then I was like, oh the moon? I had to follow the moon, it was at the foot of the bed up in ceiling and it was headed towards my head, I watched it till it passed over my head. Then a bunch of ORBs, bright white balls  circled around me, maybe a dozen or so, not sure but a bunch of them circled my body and I began to shake, I felt like I was convulsing or getting electrical shock and everything was vibrating. My first thought was I need to turn off the app, turn off the phone. But I couldn’t move I was trapped in a bubble of electricity and I could see waves of light encircling me. I could feel the vibrations in and around me.

I was trying to turn and get to the phone but my body was held captive by the shock waves or whatever it was. My mind kept telling me to turn off the phone turn off the phone. I kept fighting the force field and after feeling like forever my body slowly could turn. But I was still fighting against “the force”.  Finally I reached over to the phone and turned off the app.  My body sank back into bed and I was almost hyperventilating. I calmed myself down and I heard that freaking app still talking!

I thought I turned it off. Ok I dreamed I turned it off. Whatever. I turned off the phone. I lay back down wondering, WTF did all that mean?

For part of it I blame my radiation oncology treatment. I know I have PTSD from that and this is part of it. It wasn’t till after my treatment that I started to have weird disconnected nightmares. Most I don’t remember play by play; but I remember the feelings. The panic. The anxiety. The am I crazy feelings.

By far though, last nights night terror was epic. Alien abduction in my bed feelings how bazaar. Then agian, what if it was just pure energy energizing me? What if it was positive terrors. LOL Is there such a thing? It was scarey because it felt so real so my first reaction was crazy alien abduction thinking.  I did not think I was gonna die, but I was scared shitless in shock afterwards. What if it was healing energies being zapped into me?

I know at first when it started to happen I was like, ok this is cool the moon, the orbs. But then the convulsion part scared the crap outta me.

Now I’m thinking maybe its one of those surpressed thoughts I had while being zapped. I am “pinned” to the sled by a  mask, it covers my chest all the way to the top of my head, then they slide me into a bigass radiation machine. Everybody vacates the room, the Techs watch from the other side of the protective walls. The machine has a constant buzz or hum, you know the machine is on. I remember thinking a couple of times during my six weeks treatments; what if the machine blows up! Would not even be able to kiss my ass good bye cause I’m captive to this machine. Hmmmmm.

These are the things my nightmares are made of. Guess I won’t be listening to that app anymore. LOL Glad that I’m writing it out. Good free therapy. 🙂

 

Be blessed (\O/)

Malama pono

 

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