Filipinos R Funny

[From September 2005]

 

Ha’come Filipinos dey juss crack up wen get jokes about Filipinos? Even doe some are real stereotypical “eat black dog” bookbook jokes la dat, most Filipinos I know will laugh. Dey no get offended kine like you know some nationalities who I will not mention, get all huhu ova Portagee jokes, OOPs or Polish or Supasize Polynesians. Some people find it very offensive, demeaning, sterotypical, and insulting. But Filipinos ~ buggahs juss laugh! Am I wrong? Watch some Bookbook come in hea and flame blast me. I no caya, I going laugh. *L*

Maybe cause I dunno dat many “off da boat” oh, its planes hah now; Filipinos. But even da ones I know who are from PI, dey will laugh at all da PI jokes. Its all about da accent & attitude I tink. I tink as Locals we all identify wit somebody who talk & ack la dat. Be it family, friends or neighbors, us all laugh. I think us da first ones to laugh at ourselves before anybody else.

Maybe it was something we learned from our parents or grandparents. Like I neva tawt my Fahdah was funny. I tawt he was mean, buggah had da belt yeah. I didn’t appreciate his sense of humor till I was a parent. Now, late reaction; I know da buggah was one Filipino Archie Bunka/George Jefferson rolled into one.

My all time favorite Filipino humor email:

Ok, all you locals out there. Let’s see how good your Filipino-pidgin-English is. Try to figure out what Benny Degoosegoose is saying in all these phrases below. You have to remember the consonants that Filipinos cannot pronounce and use your best slurrr and dialect to reveal what Benny is trying to say!

“Benny, how would you use these words in a sentence?”

1. Tenacious — Beporr you go out, put your tenacious on.
2. Deposit — Call de plahmer. Deposit is leaking.
3. Splat — Oh my goodness, my tire is splat!
4. Associate — When I went to de battrroom, associate in de toilet
5. Hostess — When de pone rings, I ask hostess?
6. Persuading — Tomorrow will be my persuading anniversary.
7. Depressed — Depressed is da one who leads mass on Sundays.
8. Deficit — Bepor you jahmp in de pool, check how deficit.
9. Statue — Oy, Pedro…Statue?
10. Penis — Bepor you go out and play, penis your homework.
11. Uno, Dos, Tres — Uno! Dos tres are burning!
12. Chicken Nut Bread — My sista no kin schwim. She jamph into de wahterrr and chicken nut bread.

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CHICKEN NUT BREAD is classic! Every year I get dis email and every time I get it I laugh hard and email it to everyone. Like I’ve never sent it to them before. I know dey laughing or dey wen delete’um. How can you not laugh. Oh you not local or you are PI or you have no sense of hummerrr (humor).

The piece above, I received today and it blamed Benny Dacoscos. After years of seeing this email I know, no was Benny Dacoscos. This is the first time I’ve seen it with a name. And no, I neva check snopes.com but I tried, dey neva heard of Benny Dacoscos. But I have. The name sounded so familiar. Anden Lynn emails me and tells me Mama is going to karang her wit da cane cause she knows da Benny Dacoscos family. OMG as one Kauai name huh? I was tinking my Grandma knows thier Grandma or my mahdah and/or aunty & uncles is da classmate or someting la dat. Small world you know.

So if any of da Dacoscos family is reading dis ~ “No wuz me.” I just da one dat wen forward’um, again. I dunno why dey wen pick on Manoy Benny unless Manoy Benny is da one dat wen add his name cause da bugga funny and he like da credit, den eh, moe powah to you, Noy! *L*

You figgah dey could of used any Filipino name with repetative syllables. Coulda been Jody Tacatac. Its just me Jody, rememba I use hang out wit Macky from down da street. Or dey could use Danielle Pacatangtang. My X-niece inlaw. Which reminds me. Danielle, Raydon said quit using his name, you are not a Vasquez anymore; let it go.

Oh and my 2nd favorite emailed Filipino funny is da speghetti recipe one. Compliments of Manoy Lurkah: (he neva write’m he just da messengah, like me *L*)

Ispagiti ricipi:

Ip you like to mik pilipino ispagiti, you jus dipros dee grounbip, ah. Andin you pollow dee diriksyon in dee kwan. Dee kwan, you know wat I’m reperring to. Dee diriksyon on dee ispagiti plastik and dee sauce mix.

Instid ob iting wid dee pork, you it wid your an. Ay, dat is how we do it in da pilipeens. Ip der is lipober, you put it in dee prigideer. Andin tomooro, you it it por brikpas. Ip der is still somor, you jus hab it por lunsh at work. You can also it dee ispagiti wid rrice. Dat is Filifino ispagiti. Andin ip der is still somor, ay do not tro dat away. You jus gib it to dee doogs or cats outside, ah. Dat is becos ispagiti is por long lipe. I don’t like to see it weested. So, mga kababayans, you itry dis ricipi.

Ok this recipe thingee, is hard for me. Call me haole-fied, but I don’t hardly hear this accent roll de R’s voice where I live so I kinda struggle. I gotta readem’ out loud and kinda exagerate. Den I laugh moe at myself den da piece itself. Lolo az why.

What cracks me up is only another Filipino could come up wit dis kine Filipino jokes. Because you have to have an “ear” for it, yeah. I mean, “hostess” by itself is just hostess. But the phone rings and I ask hostess? I’m thinking OMG, as my Grandma talking.

You ever listen to one highly educated highly accented fresh from the Phillipines Filipinos. My sister was telling me she couldn’t help but bussass laughing when one of the PI doctors said:

“Pleeesse be shhurrr to change de shits.”

Why is da country Phillipines, but da people Filipinos?
Bekuzzzzzz Pillipinos Rrrrrrr Punny. *L*